7 Jobs That Nokia's Phone of the Future Will Be Good For
Nokia's Morph concept phone offers an image of the future. It is a future where, despite nanotechnology being so advanced we can fabricate integrated circuits, displays and physical interfaces that are able reconfigure themselves in a dynamic freeform substrate, we are still making phone calls. Here are 7 alternative uses for a form so advanced it makes its own function seem comically obsolete.Breaking into your own house
Locked out? The Morph proves more than a match for basic home defenses. Slide it between the door and jamb to wedge open an angled bolt. Use its finely honed edge to remove putty from round windows without breaking them, or simply cut a hole in the glass through which to enter. And if anyone challenges you, you can decapitate them with a flick of the wrist.
Defending oneself from ninja attack
Fend off hordes of agents sent by the evil merchant Echigoya to kidnap the noble Lord's daughter! Prevent neighbors from stealing the newspaper! Kill squirrels! With its blade-edged design possibilities and aerodynamic form, the Morph is the equal of even the finest steel in a shuriken battle.
Chopping onions
When cooking up a bolognese sauce, the limitations of traditional cellphones become readily apparent. Even ultrathin models like the Samsung Upstage and Motorola RAZR make poor culinary implements. With the Morph, Nokia changes the game.
Removing snow and ice from cars
Obviating the need for an expensive dedicated ice and snow scraper, the Morph’s keen edge cuts through even the most inclement weather: It is the phone of tomorrow for residents of Buffalo. It may also be duct taped to a pole and used to remove sticky detritus from high windows, or as a jousting lance.
Opening bottles
That Nokia thoughtfully provided a bottle opener demonstrates the doughty Finns' commonsense approach to even the most advanced designs. After disposing of the ninjas and onions, polish off a Coors to relax. Did I say Coors? I meant Penn Dark.
A Magic: The Gathering card
It's tiny, it depicts something fantastical, and is based on the notion of selling something vaguely worthless with an extravagant markup. The difference between a Nokia concept phone and a collect-em-all card game card is as immaterial as its chances of existing within the next 20 years.
Kinky shackles
In American's eco-friendly Aquarian future, leather will be the sole province of meat-transgressive throwbacks. Pleather, as a petrochemical derivative, will be an expensive luxury. PVC will have been revealed as the worst carcinogen since AM radio waves (banned by the Franken-Nader administration of 2016). They'll have to make bondage gear from something, and nanotech will have to do. And it's green, the sexiest color since red.
Special bonus job
Saving the Earth. Duh!
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